


i love it when the light sits on you just right

by hongsan



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Breeding Kink, Choking, Come Marking, Crying, Dom/sub Play, Dumbification, Feminization, Gender Dysphoria, Humiliation, M/M, Objectification, Photography, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Safe Sane and Consensual, Squirting, Strength Kink, Trans Male Character, Trans Sunwoo, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Verbal Humiliation, dysphoria kink, misgendering as a kink, small mentions of free use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27763687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongsan/pseuds/hongsan
Summary: To be quite honest, there is a part of Sunwoo that thinks he's a bit, well, disgusting about this kink in particular. Which is saying a lot, consider his boyfriend and him are quite depraved in their sex life in many ways, and he's okay with it. He enjoys all of it.But this one in particular makes Sunwoo's stomach turn in a confusing way, layers of shame involved in the idea of it alone."Do you think—," Sunwoo pauses, trying to figure out how to ask for what he wants. "Do you think you could treat me like a girl?"Hyunjae stares at him from where he's sitting on their couch in their tiny living room, eyebrow raised.
Relationships: Kim Sunwoo/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Comments: 18
Kudos: 117





	i love it when the light sits on you just right

**Author's Note:**

> [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/40rOlDoGejXXF4B0BYsjx8?si=J586X5mJS_WOcyEMMliywQ)  
> hi. if you looked at the "misgendering as kink/dysphoria kink" tags and said what the fuck, here is where i clarify what this means
> 
> in this fic, sunwoo consensually and clearly asks hyunjae to cause him dysphoria while they have sex and they discuss it briefly. i am a trans person who has seen this be a fairly common kink amongst trans men, and i am exploring it via this fic. there is check ins and aftercare. milsun are established
> 
> if you are trans and think you will be triggered by the intentional misgendering/dysphoria talk involved in this fic, please take care of yourself! this fic includes the use of the word cunt/pussy/clit/tits, mentions of being knocked up, alongside calling sunwoo a girl/insisting he is a girl for the purpose of this kink. 
> 
> i tag this as feminization because to me, it uses the same elements! mind the rest of the tags, and as always, let me know if i did happen to miss one.
> 
> anyways, enjoy to anyone who is fucked up like me or whatever
> 
> p.s. hyunjaes name is hyunjae to me, always, it will not change, i will NOT call him jaehyun

It's usually Hyunjae who wants to try different things out, the one that watches porn more frequently and gets weird ideas from it that Sunwoo goes along with. For Sunwoo himself to approach Hyunjae with a kink he's curious about is rare.

To be quite honest, there is a part of Sunwoo that thinks he's a bit, well, disgusting about this kink in particular. Which is saying a lot, consider his boyfriend and him are quite depraved in their sex life in many ways, and he's okay with it. He enjoys all of it.

But this one in particular makes Sunwoo's stomach turn in a confusing way, layers of shame involved in the idea of it alone.

"Do you think—," Sunwoo pauses, trying to figure out how to ask for what he wants. "Do you think you could treat me like a girl?"

Hyunjae stares at him from where he's sitting on their couch in their tiny living room, eyebrow raised.

"You mean like, feminization? Yeah, sure."

Sunwoo closes his eyes, already frustrated with having to explain himself more.

"Kind of? It’s different.”

Hyunjae waits for him to talk, which makes Sunwoo feel even more embarrassed somehow.

"It's like. I'm not a girl. I know that. You know that.” Sunwoo sighs. “But I am trans. Soooo, being treated like a girl would be almost upsetting—dysphoria inducing even."

Hyunjae’s eyebrows furrow, both confusion and concern evident on his face.

“Do you want me to make you dysphoric? That seems… fucked up.”

Sunwoo exhales a tiny laugh, somewhat glad that Hyunjae is the kind of person to question it.

“Yeah. It does, doesn’t it.” Sunwoo sits next to Hyunjae and buries his face in his own hands. “I just. Want you to have that control I guess. It’s a bit different from feminization for me because I want you to treat me like I’m just…”

“Pretending to be a boy?” Hyunjae offers. Sunwoo’s thankful he can fill in the blanks.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly what I want.Treat me like I’m really a girl and I just. Don’t know how to accept it.”

Hyunjae's face remains hesitant.

"I don't want to make you upset OR dysphoric when we have sex though.”

"I know. But it's a good upset? I think.” Sunwoo sighs. It’s hard to process and explain it to himself, and even harder explaining it to his boyfriend, but all he can do is try. It's like... a lot of people see me as a girl regardless. “They already think I'm just a girl pretending to be a boy and that pisses me off, but if it was you. It's different."

Hyunjae looks at Sunwoo, and he can tell he doesn't get it, doesn't understand why Sunwoo would want that—

"Okay. As long as you're okay with it."

—

"I bought you a gift."

Hyunjae sets a pink shopping bag on their shared bed where Sunwoo is laying, playing games on his phone. He raises his eyebrow at the bag.

"What is it?"

"Open it."

“But what is it?”

“I said, just open it.” Hyunjae’s voice becomes stern, so Sunwoo decides to stop asking and just do what he’s told, for once in his life.

Sunwoo sets his phone down to sit up and pull the bag toward him. Inside there's an entire outfit—white tennis skirt, a pink crop top, knee high socks, and white lace panties. His face immediately heats up, and he gets that uncomfortable hot feeling in his stomach.

"Do you like it? I just thought a pretty girl like you should wear stuff like this instead of, well." Hyunjae grabs at the sleeve of Sunwoo's oversized t-shirt and makes a disgusted face.

They had discussed it at length, what was okay, what wasn’t. Sunwoo told Hyunjae he wants to be mocked—made fun of for pretending to be something he’s not. They both know he is a boy, but the shame and discomfort is what stirred something in Sunwoo—a weird uncomfortable arousal that he couldn’t help. They set some things they both wanted to do, but ultimately it was all Hyunjae’s call how it would all go.

Hyunjae sets it up perfectly. His words make Sunwoo feel like curling up—it’s humiliating and embarrassing to be told he’s a pretty girl, something he’s wanted to avoid most of his life.

"Come on, why don't you put this on and show me how pretty my girlfriend can look?"

The word girlfriend makes Sunwoo feel sick and in the most twisted way, it turns him on too.

"But I'm not your girlfriend, I’m not even a girl. I’m your boyfriend,” Sunwoo argues, pushing back just to see what Hyunjae does, just to test the waters. "I'm not gonna wear this."

Hyunjae smiles, and it's a cruel one, making Sunwoo feel so small already.

"You are a girl though."

"No, I’m not.” Sunwoo makes sure to sound his most petulant, like a brat.

Within moments, Sunwoo is on his back and Hyunjae has his hand around his throat, a loose grip, but it's threatening—intimidating. Sunwoo looks up at him and squirms, feeling his face get flushed, mouth parted in a silent gasp.

"Baby, why do you insist on arguing with me?"

Sunwoo doesn't know how to answer. Hyunjae's hand pushes up his shirt, trails over his stomach, and grabs at his chest.

"If you're not a girl, what are these?"

Sunwoo whimpers, still unable to answer.

Hyunjae squeezes his chest again, and laughs when Sunwoo moans.

"Aren't these tits baby? You're telling me you're not a girl, but you have tits."

Sunwoo squeezes his eyes shut, unable to handle the embarrassment. He's not sure what he expected—he knew it would make him feel like this. Stupid. Humiliated. Disrespected. Dysphoric. But it's those feelings that are fueling his arousal, making him wetter the longer Hyunjae looks at him in scrutiny, grabbing his chest—no his tits— fondling him like he was a girl.

"Now why don't you put this outfit on for me. I wanna see how pretty you look."

Hyunjae lets Sunwoo get up, and shoves the bag into his hands. For a moment, Sunwoo feels confused and dizzy, unable to figure out what to do next. Hyunjae continues looking at him, with a condescending and expectant smile, until Sunwoo figures out he's supposed to be changing.

Sunwoo goes to the bathroom, correctly guessing that Hyunjae wants to be surprised with the full outfit on, rather than changing in front of him. He gets out of his oversized t-shirt and shorts, taking out the new clothes one by one and putting them on, avoiding the mirror the entire time.

At the bottom of the bag he sees a tube of lipgloss that he figures Hyunjae wants him to put on too. It forces him to look at himself in the mirror with the entire ensemble on.

It's a lot—the crop top fits perfectly, hugging his chest. It honestly leaves nothing to the imagination, not like his oversized t-shirts he wears to hide his thankfully small chest. With this crop top however, it’s emphasized. The flare of the skirt accentuates his waist, with the actual skirt part so short that Sunwoo attempts to pull it down for even a speck of modesty. It doesn’t really help. His panties underneath are the most familiar—he’s not opposed to them in general but he typically doesn’t seek out ones with delicate lace. Then there are the white knee socks which are simple and cute. They almost make it more feminine, even though the rest of the outfit already highlights everything he usually tries to hide. It makes him look curvy and soft—like a girl.

Sunwoo applies the gloss on his full lips, which pulls everything together. It gives his mouth this pretty shine and makes them look pinker. He stares at himself even more, unable to process how he feels entirely. He looks pretty, he really does, but not really for himself.

When he walks back into their shared bedroom, Hyunjae openly looks him up and down. It's almost lecherous, and makes Sunwoo want to shrink into himself. Instead he stands there, letting himself be ogled by his boyfriend because it’s that feeling of embarrassment that turns him on, feels like the heat teeming inside him.

"See, you look so much cuter like this." Hyunjae approaches Sunwoo, almost crowding him against the nearest wall. "This is what I want my girlfriend to wear more often."

The shiver that goes down Sunwoo's spine is equal parts arousal and discomfort—the word girlfriend making an appearance again, ringing in his ears. It feels like it’s taunting him, teasing him. It makes his heart pound, so, so loud.

There's a hand on his bare thigh, Hyunjae sliding it up to grab at his ass underneath the skirt. It's not as if Hyunjae doesn't grab him this way otherwise—he’s the touchy type, grabbing Sunwoo by the waist and spinning him around for a kiss, only to slide his hand down, making both of them giggle and laugh. But with the skirt and the way he's talking to him, it feels dirtier. He feels hyper aware of it, the way Hyunjae’s fingers squeeze the flesh, touches him with more than just want.

Sunwoo lets Hyunjae push him against the wall when he leans down to kiss him. It starts off fairly gentle, soft mouth against soft, lip-glossed mouth, Hyunjae moving his hand up to rest on Sunwoo's waist. He lets his guard down when Hyunjae kisses him, eyes slipping closed and making a pleased little sound against his mouth when he deepens it. What felt almost like a dark kind of lust turns softer, gentler and comfortable.

When Hyunjae's done kissing him, he pulls away and speaks quietly.

"Do you want to keep going? You’re okay?"

It takes Sunwoo a moment to figure out what he's asking, realizing that he's checking in. It makes him smile, even though it annoys him to be taken out of the moment. But he appreciates it. The gentleness peppered in before they went further soothes Sunwoo, reminding him that Hyunjae wants to make sure he’s okay no matter what.

There’s no one else he could trust this much.

"Yeah, ‘m good.” Sunwoo doesn’t intend to sound so breathless from just a kiss. “Please, keep going.”

Hyunjae gives him another peck and then grabs at his chest once again, with both hands, and the tone shifts again.

"I think you should embrace what a pretty girl you are, especially with such cute little tits like these." He runs his thumbs over Sunwoo's nipples which makes him squirm. They’re sensitive, always have been, but the sensation makes his skin prickle now, more affected than he expects himself to be.

"But I'm not a girl—" Sunwoo starts arguing again, unable to help himself. He knows Hyunjae wouldn’t let him just argue. He wants a reaction—carnal and dark and overwhelming.

And he gets it—Hyunjae doesn't hesitate to wrap fingers around his throat again, grip tighter than before. It makes Sunwoo dizzy, both because of the air restriction and the fear that runs down his spine. Hyunjae practically holds him against the wall this way which fuels the adrenaline and lust, all burning through Sunwoo.

"Baby, don't be silly. We both know the truth."

Sunwoo wants to cry—he can feel the tears in his eyes and he makes a pathetic little sound when Hyunjae lets go of him. He feels himself getting wetter with each passing moment, feels a bit more pliant and submissive—like it’s seeping into him.

"Why don't you tell me what you are, baby?"

"I'm—," Sunwoo can't keep his voice from shaking. "I can’t." It’s a soft whisper. It makes him feel sick, but he’s not against it. It just feels like a lot, and the words will not come out.

Hyunjae doesn’t push him to speak—his perceptiveness is impressive.

“You’re my pretty baby girl, that’s what you are." There’s an edge of softness and it soothes Sunwoo easily, bringing him down from nearly staggering disgust and shame to just a soft thrum of it. 

The urge to cry won't go away though, and Sunwoo stares down on the ground. It all makes him feel small, stupid, and hot—

"Bend over the bed."

The command breaks Sunwoo out of his own thoughts, and he does exactly as he is told. An order allows him to settle back into the scene, giving him direction. Hyunjae stands behind him, pushing down on his back to make sure Sunwoo's chest is flush against the bed. The position makes him feel exposed—the skirt is so short it does nothing to cover his ass.

"Good girl," Hyunjae praises, nails grazing over the curve of his thigh and ass gently. "You like showing yourself off this way, don't you?"

Before Sunwoo can argue, Hyunjae's fingers brush against his pussy, only the thin fabric of his panties between his hand and how wet Sunwoo is. The light touch still drives him crazy, unable to answer at all.

"What, are you that much of a stupid little girl you can't answer?"

Sunwoo groans and buries his face in the bed. The entire sentence is humiliating, and makes his head feel cloudy.

"I'm not stupid.”

"Only stupid girls get this wet."

Hyunjae pushes his panties to the side, and slides his fingers against Sunwoo's pussy, extra careful to not touch his clit. It’s on purpose—he touches Sunwoo like he’s checking how wet he is, rather than to make him feel good, which of course still stirs something in him. He does that for a few moments before wordlessly sliding a single finger inside Sunwoo. The action surprises him, so Sunwoo inadvertently tenses up, which makes Hyunjae laugh in response.

“How are you doing to tell me you’re not a stupid girl when you react like this with just one finger?”

Hyunjae slides the finger out and Sunwoo doesn’t mean to make such a pitiful sound, but he does.

“Aw baby girl, do you want me to fuck you already? Do you need my cock in you that badly?”

Every time Hyunjae calls him a girl, Sunwoo feels the discomfort bloom in his chest, but the arousal doesn’t subside. It just feels like he’s being mocked and tormented—Hyunjae finding any instance to tell him what he "really" is. He can’t really explain why he likes it so much—it could be lots of reasons. The specific way it humiliates and degrades him sticks out the most because it’s an unease he lives with already, having to handle certain people calling him a girl. Bringing it to his dynamic with Hyunjae just got him, made him feel equal parts powerful and powerless. He knows Hyunjae doesn't think all this, he knows, but being told otherwise just does something.

Sunwoo gets pulled out of his own thoughts again with a smack to his inner thigh, exhaling sharply.

“I asked you a question.”

Sunwoo buries his face into the bedsheets as much as he can, embarrassment so strong he couldn’t help hiding. He can’t bring himself to answer, and he expects another slap on his thigh or ass but instead Hyunjae pulls him up by his hair. He gets shoved onto his knees on the floor, scalp stinging from the grip. Hyunjae undoes the button and zipper of his pants, shoving them down just enough to reveal his already hard cock.

“Since you’re too dumb to talk, I think I’ll use your mouth. Be a good girl and open up.”

Sunwoo stares at Hyunjae, blinking as he tries to process the words into actions. Or maybe he was purposefully being defiant, just so see what Hyunjae will do.

What Hyunjae does when Sunwoo takes too long is pinch his nose. On instinct, Sunwoo gasps, wanting to breathe, inhale as soon as possible to fill up his lungs. Hyunjae takes the chance to pull him onto his cock.

Sunwoo gags almost immediately, saliva pooling in his mouth and the tears that had been begging to spill over finally do. It’s degrading, especially with the rough way Hyunjae treats him, fucking into his mouth like something to use. It’s impossible not to drool, even harder to not moan.

Quite honestly, Sunwoo feels disgusting and low, but in the way that fuels him and his want, aching to be touched more even if Hyunjae was preoccupied fucking his mouth. He pants quietly above him, getting more and more worked up, slowing down his pace to not cum so soon. Sunwoo looks up at him and realizes he must be a sight to see, dressed up in a skirt with now smeared lip gloss all over his mouth, big watery eyes. Hyunjae looks down and grins, petting his hair gently, carding fingers through the dark strands.

Hyunjae decides then to hold Sunwoo down on his cock as far as he can take him, making him gag even more, struggling just a bit as he's made to take him to the hilt. On reflex, Sunwoo brings his hands to Hyunjae's thighs, a weak and hollow attempt to push himself away. But he doesn't want that, not really, it's just instinct. He enjoys the feeling of being held down and made to choke, can feel the way saliva runs down his chin and makes him feel even more degraded and dirty.

Sunwoo gasps when Hyunjae takes him off his cock, taking sharp breaths and trying to compose himself. Hyunjae crouches to meet him eye to eye where Sunwoo is on the floor feeling dizzy and shaky. It feels embarrassing, Hyunjae crouches in front of him, bringing himself down to his level, especially with the way he smirks.

"You're such a good girl, letting me use your pretty little mouth."

Without realizing, Sunwoo nods, mouth still slightly open.

Hyunjae laughs, cupping his cheek. "You look so fucking dumb and obedient right now."

Sunwoo feels it, feels like his limbs are heavy and his head is nothing but how much he wants to be used. Like all his thoughts are emptying out to be replaced with just that.

"I really like this top on you, but I think you should take it off and show me your pretty girl tits."

Hyunjae's fingers grab at the hem of Sunwoo's pink crop top, gently tugging it upward. Sunwoo blinks a few times, slowly processing what he's being asked to do, and finally pulling it over his head.

Sunwoo doesn't actually mind his chest being visible, but a lot of the time when Hyunjae and him have sex, they don't really acknowledge it. Occasionally he asks to keep his shirt on and Hyunjae never complains. But right now, Sunwoo feels the way Hyunjae is staring at his tits.

Hyunjae stands back up, languidly stroking his cock. The one piece of clothing gone makes Sunwoo much more aware of how ruined he must look—Hyunjae is practically entirely clothed, while Sunwoo kneels in a short skirt with his tits out, wetness probably soaking through his panties by this point. Sunwoo's mouth waters up the longer he watches Hyunjae stroke himself—wants to lean forward and get his mouth back on his cock.

"Do me a favor and push your tits together baby."

Everything Hyunjae says takes a few long moments to register at this point, but Sunwoo does eventually do it, closing his eyes when the shame hits him.

"Why are you closing your eyes? Look at me."

The order is clear and direct, there's a firmness is Hyunjae's voice that Sunwoo can't shake. As much as he doesn't want to just out of sheer humiliation, Sunwoo obeys. He looks up at Hyunjae again, hands cupping his small breasts and pushing them together, showing them off to him. Hyunjae strokes his cock slowly still, a gentle build to release. After several moments of looking down at Sunwoo, eyes darks and mean, as if to draw out the humiliation, he finally cums. It splatters on Sunwoo's tits, a bit getting on his upper chest, marking him.

Sunwoo starts putting his hands down, but Hyunjae stops him.

"Stay like that."

Hyunjae grabs his phone out of his pocket, holding it up in front of Sunwoo. He didn't know the soft click of a camera could be so mortifying.

"Good girl."

The way Hyunjae grabs Sunwoo's arm to pull him up on his feet makes him feel a bit of a rag doll—it's not exactly rough but Sunwoo feels so weak and weightless that he almost falls over himself without Hyunjae there to steady him.

"Sunwoo, do you want to keep going? Are you still green?"

Sunwoo's mouth struggle to form an answer, nodding a tiny bit before he gets a grasp on words again. ""m okay, green."

Hyunjae uses the grip on his arm to practically throw Sunwoo onto the bed. It doesn't hurt, but being manhandled puts Sunwoo back in the headspace he was just in quickly, makes him feel even stupider and needier even. His skirt rides up, revealing the panties underneath, and Hyunjae hooks a finger underneath the band, beginning to tug them down.

"It's funny how much you insist that you're not a girl," Hyunjae starts, eyes locked with Sunwoo's. "But you're dressed like a girl, you're wearing panties like a girl." Sunwoo lifts his hips a little to make it easier for Hyunjae to take them off of him. "You're wet like a stupid girl too."

Hyunjae slides two fingers inside him this time, and Sunwoo whines because it feels good, easily going inside him.

"You say you're not a girl, but you have a dumb greedy cunt like one."

Hyunjae fucks his fingers inside Sunwoo, using a thumb to graze over his clit, which is sensitive and aching. Sunwoo's body twitches and jerks in response, and he makes pathetic sounds.

"Stop lying to yourself baby, we both know you’re just slutty girl.”

Sunwoo registers that his pathetic noises are him crying, the good kind, from how overwhelmed he is, how pathetic he feels, how turned on he is about it all. It's more then humiliating—it's mortifying, it makes him feel low and disgusting, and it's that that drives him to crying, sniffling between weak moans.

"Why don't you admit it? Tell me you’re a stupid girl.”

Sunwoo can't help the little sob he lets out when Hyunjae questions him. The fingers inside him slow, just pressing in and out of him as if to remind him they're still there, thumb hovering over his clit. When Sunwoo doesn't answer, Hyunjae stops entirely but holds his fingers inside, curving them up to press against the sensitive part inside Sunwoo's cunt.

"I'm waiting."

Sunwoo blinks dumbly at Hyunjae, trying to recall what it is he just asked but he can't. He stares at him with wide eyes, wanting to beg him to keep fucking him with his fingers.

Hyunjae laughs, and it's cruel and demeaning, a mocking laugh at how blank Sunwoo's face looks.

"Do you even know what I'm waiting for?"

Sunwoo shakes his head.

"Wow, you really are a stupid girl."

Hyunjae starts pulling out his fingers, slowly and carefully.

"Wait, no please—" Sunwoo starts complaining, lip already wobbling, but he's cut off by a harsh slap against his cheek. He gasps loudly, face already stinging with pain. He feels empty too, and somehow manages to connect the dots through his empty head that Hyunjae slapped him with that hand, the one driving him crazy, dirty from being inside him. He manages to be mortified even more, all of his shame and humiliation just stacking, Hyunjae pushing him a bit more with each action.

Hyunjae's gaze is sharp, looking down at Sunwoo in a way that makes him feel like nothing. He takes his time before speaking, allowing the pain in Sunwoo's cheek to settle in and then dissipate.

"Do you wanna know why I slapped you?"

Sunwoo nods.

"Because," Hyunjae pauses to hold Sunwoo's face with his thumb and forefinger, making sure he's looking right at him. It adds to the intimidation and makes Sunwoo shiver. “Good girls, take what they’re given, without talking back.” Hyunjae takes another pause, making sure to have a good grip on Sunwoo’s chin. “But greedy little whores like you don’t know any better and need to be reminded.”

The whimper Sunwoo lets out is more than just pathetic—it’s pitiful.

“But, I guess I should’ve expected you to misbehave a bit, since you’re just a stupid little girl.” Hyunjae lets go of Sunwoo’s face, tapping his cheek in a light threat. Sunwoo tenses up, preparing for another slap, but it doesn’t come.

“Now why don’t we try again. Tell me what you are baby.”

It sinks into Sunwoo what he has to say.

In a soft voice, whiny and small, Sunwoo answers. “I’m a stupid little girl.”

Hyunjae laughs, a loud mocking laugh that makes Sunwoo want to shrink into himself but he can't, not with the way Hyunjae looms over him.

"Yes you are baby, I'm glad you've realized it."

Hyunjae reaches over to their nightstand to grab the lube that was perched on top of it, pouring it onto his fingers. He settles between Sunwoo's legs once again, this time pressing three fingers inside Sunwoo, taking his time to allow him to adjust. Despite all the mean humiliating words and rough treatment, Hyunjae was soft at his core, making sure that he really didn't hurt Sunwoo, at least not in ways he wouldn't want to be hurt.

(Though, if asked, Sunwoo would be okay if Hyunjae wants to push him up against whatever surface and fuck into him with little preparation. But that would have to wait for another time.)

Hyunjae keeps his other hand on Sunwoo's hip, pinning him against the bed, the simple gesture enough to feed into his desire to be held down and taken like something to use. It could also be how foggy Sunwoo's head feels, unable to do more than process how he feels and the way Hyunjae touches him. Submission settles into him entirely, making him perfectly pliant and wanting. Like a good girl for Hyunjae to use.

When Hyunjae decides he's prepped enough—which takes too long, entirely too long for Sunwoo, but he doesn't complain, because he wants to be good—he withdraws his fingers to pour lube on his own cock. He scoots a bit closer and hooks his arms under Sunwoo's knees, cock pressing against Sunwoo's cunt, sliding over his clit maddeningly, but not fucking into him. It's on purpose—everything Hyunjae has done is all to drive Sunwoo crazy, make him feel desperate and stupid and consumed with lust and shame.

Deep inside, Sunwoo wants to push Hyunjae over, and sit on his dick, riding him at his pace and for his pleasure. He wants that so badly—has done that when his patience broke. But despite how badly he wants to do that, he can't—he just stares at Hyunjae in anticipation in what must be the stupidest, emptiest expression because Hyunjae laughs at him again.

"I don't even have my cock in you yet, but you look like I already fucked your brains out. I guess stupid girls like you don't have much to begin with."

Hyunjae presses forward, still holding Sunwoo's legs, and his cock slides embarrassingly easily into him. Sunwoo moans too loudly—he'd been aching for it for so long now, feeling so strung out and out his mind, that being filled up properly was a relief. Hyunjae rolls his hips into Sunwoo, making him let out little "ohs" every time presses deep inside him.

"Does it feel good baby?"

It's impossible to think, almost impossible to speak beyond soft cries and moans in response to the roll of Hyunjae's hips. But it's not enough yet, and Sunwoo can still beg.

"So good—need more, please, please," Sunwoo manages to babble, eyes squeezing shut when he hears himself.

"Be a good girl and you'll get what you want. Just let me use you for a bit okay."

Sunwoo feels filthy—Hyunjae fucks into him how he wants, at his pace, and for himself only, like a toy to be used. His clit is ignored entirely again, and even though Sunwoo thinks about reaching down and touching himself, "Be a good girl" echoes in his head.

"'M good, 'm a good girl," he babbles, a reminder to himself and Hyunjae.

Every thrust has Sunwoo coming undone, shame and arousal blending and making him cry desperately, continuing to mumble about how he's a good girl, wants to be so good for Hyunjae, like good stupid girls are supposed to be.

"You're right baby, this is exactly what good stupid girls are meant to be used for. Do you want me to cum inside you?"

The filter between his thoughts and mouth is nonexistent.

"Please, please, want it, please."

"Of course you do. A pretty girl like you should get knocked up right."

Sunwoo gasps and tenses up at that, gasp turning into a sob when the words fully set into his brain.

Knocked up.

If Sunwoo wasn't crying freely before, he is now, tears staining his face and loud sobbing moans leaving his mouth every time Hyunjae thrusts into him. Hyunjae leans forward to kiss Sunwoo, deep and dirty, and Sunwoo can barely kiss back because he feels too stupid to function. Hyunjae is still holding Sunwoo's legs too, pushing his thighs towards his chest. If he wanted to fold him in half and fuck him that way he could but he was holding back. Regardless, the position lets Hyunjae fuck into him deeper, making Sunwoo whine against Hyunjae's mouth.

"Tell me you want me to knock you up baby." It's a hot whisper against Sunwoo's lips, Hyunjae finally appears affected by everything.

"Please, cum in me, please, I want you to knock me up, please, please, please—”

Sunwoo feels Hyunjae spill inside him, and lets out a chest-shaking sob, stomach tight with want and a need to cum to but not able to get past the edge. Hyunjae thrusts shallowly, riding his second orgasm, fucking the cum into Sunwoo.

"You're such a good girl, letting me use you and knock you up," Hyunjae mutters quietly, and it sounds like genuine praise because it probably is. The softness is back in his voice, fond and caring, but it still makes Sunwoo cry, unable to handle the hot shame of everything.

And logically, realistically, he's not getting pregnant—he just won't. But the idea of it, the feeling of it being possible makes Sunwoo feel crazed, in slight panic, fear, and arousal. It reinforces everything Hyunjae has been telling him—he's a girl and girls are meant to get knocked up. It almost breaks his brain.

Sunwoo can't think clearly enough to notice that Hyunjae's pulling away, no longer filling him up with cock. It isn't until he feels his fingers on his clit that he realizes how empty he is—save for the cum that he thinks he feels dripping out of him. Hyunjae rubs his clit with two fingers, slowly, careful not to get Sunwoo close yet.

Sunwoo feels so sensitive now it almost hurts, but it's not there yet. Just feels overwhelming, his body feels hot and sweaty, and he makes pitiful little whines every now and then as Hyunjae touches him.

"Do you want to cum?"

Sunwoo can't nod quickly enough.

Hyunjae fucks him with his fingers again, placing a hand on Sunwoo's lower stomach, holding him down gently. The pressure drives Sunwoo crazy—especially when Hyunjae curves his fingers to purposefully press against his g-spot, making him shudder and moan.

"I have to make sure you get properly knocked up, yknow. Maybe next time I should get a plug to keep my cum in you and make sure it takes."

Sunwoo nods at that too.

"God, you really are just a stupid girl. I bet you'd let anyone use your dumb cunt and knock you up, right?"

Sunwoo clenches involuntarily, brain short-circuiting.

"Fuck, yes, please, please," Sunwoo begs. The combination of Hyunjae's fingers incessantly pressing into him and that fantasy finally breaks him. Sunwoo arches into Hyunjae's touch, closer and closer, feeling like fire is pooling in his lower abdomen, building up into release.

Sunwoo cums wordlessly—it feels like it pulses through him, full body pleasure that courses through him. His heartbeat roars in his ears so loudly, he can barely hear Hyunjae's laughter—delighted little giggles as he fucks Sunwoo through his orgasm with his fingers.

"I didn't think you could squirt baby girl."

The wetness between his legs registers, and Sunwoo makes a strangled noise—mortified and humiliated past what he thought was possible. Hyunjae doesn't let him wallow in it, pumping fingers in and out of him to draw out every ounce of pleasure.

When he's done, finally done, pulls out his fingers and leaves Sunwoo clenching around nothing, exhaustion immediately settles into Sunwoo's bones.He’s drained, feels like he could just fall asleep right then and there, but Hyunjae doesn’t give him a chance before he pulls him into a tight hug.

“Are you okay, was any of that too much?”

“Mmm, ‘m fine, just—” Sunwoo lets out a little shaky breath and a few more tears roll down his cheeks. “m okay, it was a lot, and I need a lot of cuddling, but I’m okay.”

Hyunjae is one of the kindest people Sunwoo knows, even if occasionally he is a complete dickhead—but he’s nice and caring when it matters. He helps Sunwoo into the shower, squeezing in alongside him because they both were sweaty sticky messes. He kisses his shoulders and face and helps wash his back in comfortable silence. He takes the time to change their sheets too, after the unexpected mess Sunwoo made, and brings him a glass of water after he’s settled under the covers.

The entire time Sunwoo feels like he’s in a bit of a daze—his head feels like cotton and he gulps down the glass of water once its in front of him. The fresh sheets feel cool against his hot skin and slowly, he feels a bit more like himself, a little more present.

“How are you doing?”

Hyunjae sits next to him in bed, still looking a bit worried still and Sunwoo laughs.

“I’m okay, I promise.”

The worry stays on Hyunjae's face. “You know I don’t think any of that right? You’re my boyfriend, you’re not a girl, you’re my super handsome boyfriend.” He leans over to kiss Sunwoo on the temple. "I love you."

It makes Sunwoo happy to know how worried he is, and he smiles easily. “I know, thank you, hyung.”

Hyunjae gets into bed beside Sunwoo, carding fingers through his hair soothingly. “I just feel like I should call you my boyfriend over and over to make sure you know I didn’t mean it.”  
“Honestly, just the fact that you feel so bad about it is making me feel better. Your guilt is healing.”

“Wow, you like to see me in pain because I’m worried about you. That's fucked up," Hyunjae jokes.

Sunwoo rolls his eyes. “Shut up."

"You won't silence me."

"Yes I will because I want to cuddle. Let me." Sunwoo pushes himself closer to Hyunjae, curling up against his bare chest. Hyunjae wraps an arm around him, and it feels safe.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> [my public twitter](https://twitter.com/horreforblondes)   
>  [my priv twitter](https://twitter.com/pissboyeosang)   
>  [my CC](https://curiouscat.qa/pissboyeosang)


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